Bubba Does Daytonr

DAYTON’R BEACH, Fla. – Howdy Y’all.

So, how dern jealous are all y’all other fans that this silly redneck of a goober has actually landed his britches right down here in sunny Florid’r fer the gosh dern Bud Shootout?!?!?!

I been to The Rock. I been to Darlin’ton. Heck, I even got to go to Atlant’r a few times. But Dayton’r? WOO HOO, this here town ain’t never seen nothin’ like me.

I’ll tell y’all a coupla things I been seein’ durin’ my stay, and then get on to that Bud Shootout thingy I sat through.

First off, if ya ain’t never been down to Dayton’r… yikes!

All I gots to say is I now understand why NASCAR is so high on openin’ and promotin’ its offices ever’where else around the country.

I did like this fancified cheeseburger joint with race cars in it, though, and gettin’ a look at that new Ironhead statue was touchin’, but if I had to describe the local flavor… the flavor would be somewhere’s in between possum ice cream and Skoal-dipped banan’rs.

Ok, on to the track….

I’d like to say the best thing I seen at the track – watchin’ the racin’ Sundee – was some racin’, but it was actually a sign I seen while walkin’ around the track. I seen this souvenir hauler with loads of Earnhardt Sr. stuff in it, and on the rig it said - "He's still the man."

Ain’t that the dern truth.

Anywho, y’all is more interested in racin’ than ya are me, so lets get down to it. I seen the Bud Shootout Sundee, and actually got a chance to watch a tape of the dern thing on Mondee. (Thank you Shariff, Abdul, Ohkmad, Ali or whatever your dern name is at the front desk, fer tapin’ it fer me and my buddies).

Here’s just some of what I seen or was thinkin’…

*What is more ridiculous… NASCAR tryin’ to fix every make of car to run exactly the same, or NASCAR thinkin’ it can fix every make of car to run exactly the same?

Look, I don’t want to see the Dayton’r 500 turn into the Chevy 500 anymore than anybody else, but if them Chevy boys got a leg up on the competition by workin’ their butts off or havin’ a better model this time around, so be it. This invisible rulebook stuff just makes the sport seem more and more minor league.

*Anybody else like Ricky Rudd’s Havoline machine with pee-yellow numberin’? That 28 car is legendary… don’t mess with it.

*I think I seen that Kirk Shelmerdine’s car is sponsored by Hooters. I shore do hope he makes the 500, cuz there ain’t nothin’ like the combination of good racin’ and Hooters.

*How bout that ol’ Dave Marcis?!?!? Get in that race Dave and give them youngin’s a kick in the pants with your wing-tips.

*Y’all ever heard Rusty Wallace utter a sentence without the words “dude” or “cool” in it? Just wonderin’.

*Now that I made fun of’m, did y’all see the move Rusty made, backing off to avoid a wild Dale Jarrett flyin’ up the track in the Shootout? Nice move Rusty. Prolly saved you and a few others from flippin’ around that corner. Really “cool” drivin’… “dude.”

*Couple quick notes on this tape of the Shootout I just finished seein’…
1. These NBC (NASCAR’s BUDDIES CHANNEL) actually spent airtime interviewin’ a dog at the nearby dogtrack. I ain’t kiddin’, they actually held a dern microphone up to a dog’s mouth and asked him questions. Even sadder than them interviewin’ dogs when we hadn’t heard from many of drivers and owners, is the dog had more interestin’ stuff to say than Little Al Bestwick.

2. Fer the love of ever’thin’ good in this world, somebody please ask that Bill Weeber feller to stop proppin’ his leg up on the shelf in front of him when he’s doin’ interviews on the weenie wagon. Him tryin’ to be chic with that “wouldn’t move in a tornado” hairdo is one thing, but showin’ millions of race fans your cheek is another. Please, oh pleeeeeease stop that nonsense… you’re scarin’ the women, children and pets.

3. Anybody else find it really odd when Wally Fallenback tells us “it’s a great feeling to come off the corners faster than everyone else”… How the heck would he know what it feels like to come off a corner faster than everyone else? How the heck would he know what it feels like to come off a corner faster than anyone else?

4. I don’t think ever’thing they done is awful… I really liked this feature they done on old guys vs. the news guys… very well done. But sure as crapola, I then see a piece askin’ drivers “If you was an animal, which would it be?” Who is writin’ this stuff? The entire creative staff can’t all be doin’ Olympics… can they?

5. Who was that feller at the end of the tape/show? Jim Hoober… Hooper… Goober… PooperScooper… whatever? If you’s gonna dig up old bones to come on and turn a good race into some poem that can relate a pit stop to the meanin’ of life, get Chris Economaki or Ken Squier out there… will ya? The entire hiring staff can’t all be doin’ Olympics… can they?

*Back to racin’… Kyle Petty blew an engine in qualifyin’. Here we go again. Please say it ain’t so.

*I was very, very, very impressed with Tony Stewart this past weekend, but I just gotta ask two questions before I goes….

1. Ya reckon if Tony were sponsored by Gillette he’d show up for an event without that scraggly looking unshaven face? If Home Depot sold electric razors, ya reckon he’d look like he wasn’t up all night drinkin’?

2. How incredibly ignorant is it fer Tony - and so many others feelin’ the need to excuse ever’thing that might hurt their next chance at an interview – to say his childish behavior on many, many occasions is just somethin’ that comes along with his ferocious determination to succeed?

Horsepucky. Y’all tellin’ me the likes of Jeff Gordon, Ricky Rudd, Dale Jarrett, Bobby Labonte, etc., etc., etc., don’t act like maniacs because they have less desire and determination?

Somebody, anybody, please follow along with me and realize a driver can be different than others, fun, exciting and ferociously determined without showin’ his fanny over an over. Those two things don’t go hand in hand… they simply go foot in mouth.

I’ll talk at y’all next week… I reckon.
Bubba

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