Checking Your List

Sometime soon on the new Speedvision, perhaps by next December...

"Welcome back to NASCAR home-shopping hour here on Speedvision. For those of you still looking for that perfect little something for the NASCAR fan in your life, we have a whole host of goodies that we think you'll find impossible to ignore.

"For starters, here we have the His-and-Hers plaid button-ups from the Dave Marcis Collection, just $49.95 for both.

'His' comes complete with toothpicks and tire-pressure gauge in the breast pocket. 'Hers' - if you look real closely there just below the second button - has a tiny little mustard stain. Joe, what have you got for us over at the high-tech table?"

"Thanks Bobby. Let me tell you, no house should be without this, the 'Barney Hall Answering Machine.' This machine is just $19.99, and comes with three different messages, recorded by the beloved fixture of the Motor Racing Network.

"Message 1: 'Hello everybody, we're not in. But if we were, I really believe this would be one of the best conversations in recent memory.'

"Message 2: 'Everyone here is on their feet in anticipation of a great message.'

"Message 3: 'We can't come to the phone; we've gone down to the garage area with Joe Moore.'

"Back to you, Bobby. What have you got for us in the housewears department?"

"Well Joe, for starters, let me remind everyone that everything from the Dave Marcis line still includes a free Goodyear hat.

"Now, of course, here is the always-popular Burton Brothers Home Barbering Kit, now priced to move at $25.99. Mirror not included.

"I was told the other day that Casey Atwood got one of these for his last birthday. With that in mind, I do recommend buying the mirror.

"Here's a new item from our music department. It's the 'Jeff Gordon's Greatest Hits from Victory Lane' CD.

"Cut 1 is 'Wow, I can't believe it.' Cut 2 is my favorite - 'Robbie and the Crew Were Just Awesome Today.' Cut 3 is the always popular ballad, 'Man, I Tell Ya, We Barely Had a Fifth-Place Car Until that Last Pit Stop.'

"Joe, I believe you have a new item in your hand, don't you?"

"Yes I do. It's the Tony Stewart Steam Iron. As the brochure says, no one gets as hot under the collar as the Hoosier Hotshoe. For the first 25 folks to buy one of these, we'll throw in Chip Ganassi's home phone number.

"Here's a nice item - the Mike Helton mustache trimmer. And look here, just one flip of the protective cover, and just like that you have yourself a weed eater. You'll have the best-looking lawn on the block, not to mention one bitchin' mustache. Remember, for an extra $9.95, we'll throw in the Buddy Arrington sideburn templates."

"Bobby, over here in our automotive department, we have the 'Buckshot Jones Scratch and Dent' rubbing compound. Larry McReynolds not included. This stuff really works, by the way. I just fixed a scratch on my bumper the other day. For two months I'd kept it covered with my 'Honk if You've Ever Hired Robby Gordon' bumper sticker. Those stickers are still available, by the way, free with every purchase of a Felix Sabates model yacht set or the Bodine Brothers Bobblehead Doll collectors series.

"Well, that's all the time we have this week on the NASCAR home-shopping hour. Stay tuned, because next up is Legends of Motorsport, this week featuring Ramo Stott."

Photos

  • Jeff Gordon Through the Years
  • Jeff Gordon Through the Years
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  • Jeff Gordon Through the Years
  • Jeff Gordon Through the Years

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