Funny Business

Howdy y’all.

After this weekend’s racin’ – if anyone could call it that – at Talladeg’r, I don’t rightly know to laugh or cry.

Soooooo, I reckon I’ll just jump in and splash a little reality on some of the stuff y’all were forced to look at.

*First off, ain’t this the most ridiculous logic y’all ever heard? (and I know ya done heard it 46 times since Dale Jr.’s win Sunday). Here goes…

When Dale Jr. won at Dayton’r in July, some folks was hollerin’ “FIXED” cuz his car was obviously a ton better – passing cars like they was standin’ still despite no draft help – than any car ever in a restrictor-plate race.

Now, at Talladeg’r, Jr. dominates the event, passes cars like they’re standin’ still (with and without draft help) and folks is hollerin’ at the top of their lungs “See, told ya the first one weren’t fixed.”

So, the logic with them folks is... Little E did things at Dayton’r ain’t nobody ever done with a restrictor-plate engine, so it appeared it was fixed. Now, since he did things ain’t nobody ever done with a restrictor-plate engine, it couldn’t be fixed?

That make sense to anybody? Here’s somethin’ all them college-educamated folks may not of thunk of... Whatever made Jr.’s car pass three or four cars in a draft all by itself at Dayton’r, was the same thing that made it pass three or four cars in a draft all by itself at Talladeg’r.

That don't mean the thing was fixed, it just means he's gettin' away with somethin' nobody else is. Y'all notice how many cars was caught fer illegal parts this week? Heck, ever'body is tryin' to get away with somethin'... Jr's just succeedin'.

*Oh Oh, wait a minute…

Somebody just done told me they found somethin’ wrong with Jr.’s car! Somebody done told me they found a rules violation!! Jumpin’ Jowls, he’s done somethin’ illegal, and certainly NASCAR ain’t gonna let an illegal car get the win, right?

Oh, I see… Jr.’s car is only slightly illegal, a roof-height thingy. Y’all can read it right there in the NASCAR rulebook…. “NASCAR allows slightly illegal cars to win races.”

Well, certainly, since the rulebook allows slightly illegal cars to win, NASCAR is gonna fine the team a great deal of money and take points away, something to really punish’m, right?

What? NASCAR is gonna allow the win, let the points remain and fine the team $25,000 after it won well more than $1 million? No way, couldn’t be.

Two questions….
1. If you can win more than $1 million and only get fined $25,000 (with no points or the win taken away), why wouldn’t ya cheat?
2. Does Winston have to give the million to a team that was found to have an illegal car, or does it’s rule state it only gives a million to legal cars?

*Before I get to how ridiculous the racin’ was at Talladeg’r cuz of NASCAR’s rules, I’ll congratulate them on finally makin’ them head-and-neck thingys mandatory.

Word has it there’s other stuff drivers are all doin’ anyway that ain’t in the rule book either, so NASCAR is now lookin’ at possibly makin’ some other stuff mandatory - four tires on the cars, seats in the cockpits and maybe even helmets.

I’m told a $2 million research panel will have to meet for six months first, but you can’t rush things like this.

Word on the real problem – the cars still bein’ way too rigid – is apparently still on the backburner.

*Hey, after bitchin’ about havin’ to wear the neck thingy and then racin’ fer only about 20 laps Sunday, Tony Stewart refused to talk to the media after the race. Ok ever’body, all at once, let’s look surprised.

*Racin’ at Talladeg’r, with these horrible rules, is just friggin’ silly. I’d laugh, but it ain’t even close to bein’ funny.

Here’s some of the driver interviews ya here after these fiascos….
How about finishing 5th? “Who cares, I’m not hurt.”
Great run fella: “Who cares, this isn’t racing.”
You finished well: “So what, what a joke this is.”
Ran good Bud: “Bull, this isn’t running, this is just praying.”
Almost pulled off the win: “We’re alive. That’s good.”
Like your run today: “I hope everyone’s ok, looked like a really bad wreck.”

Ah, nothing like exuberant driver reaction to an exciting event, eh?

*Y’all know somethin’ is bad outta whack with an event when nearly half the dern field is doin’ interviews after they exit the infield care center.

*Here’s a solution fer NASCAR on what to do at Talladeg’r… Only run a 25-lap race.

Think about it y’all, the last 25 laps is the only time the drivers is really racin’; no group of drivers would purposely lag behind the pack until the very end; a guy who had a 14-second pit stop would actually have some advantage over a guy who slipped out in 20 seconds; We’d have the same amount of cars on the lead lap with the same chance of winnin’; and most importantly, we wouldn’t have to hold our breath for three hours hoping a tire doesn’t blow and the result is one or multiple drivers being taken away to a nearby hospital cuz the rules all but set that up to happen.

*What in world is Kevin Harvick doin’? I keep tryin’ to like this kid fer some reason, but this is gettin’ downright silly.

First, he bumps Bobby Hamilton out the way at Martinsville, then he wrecks Todd Bodine fer the second time this year, then he tells his car owner Richard Childress he was hit first (even though the film shows clearly he weren’t).

I gotta idea’r, rather than puttin’ a yeller stripe on his back bumper, they color the entire nose of his car yeller, cuz that’s the part of the car he keeps hittin’ folks with.

*Y’all see the part of the race where Ricky Rudd (running 15th) was sayin’ his car sucked, and Dale Jarrett (runnin’ 30th) said his car was perfect? Tells ya somethin’ about whether these guys is really racin’ or not, don’t it?

*Quote of the Day from Talladeg’r: “This is totally boring and scary.” – I was gonna attribute this sucker to Jimmy Spencer after he said it, but then I heard 37 other drivers say the same thing.

*Lastly, I keep hearin’ from announcers like Benny Parsons and NASCAR that “this tight racin’ is what the fans wanna see at Talladeg’r.”… Well, I got news fer y’all, ya couldn’t be more wrong.

Cars – except Jr.’s - all the same speed because of rules, crews whose efforts make no difference, drivers whose talents make no difference, and setting these drivers up for tragedy… that’s not something any of us wanna see. Stop kiddin’ yourselves.

I’ll talk at ya next week… I reckon.

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