Bestest And Worsetest

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Howdy Y’all.

Well, that’s all she wrote… no more big-time racin’ again until February.

Don’t worry y’all, me and the rest of the boys won’t go into hibernation, we’ll keep ya laughin’, cryin’ and hollerin’ throughout December and January.

Before I get goin’ on my topic today, I just gotta mention how horrible it was this week havin’ to watch N(ASCAR) B(uttkissin') C(ompany) at the end of that race in New Hampshire. It was so dern disappointin' that I just can't help but bring it up.

First, Robby Gordon spins Jeff Gordon up into Mike Wallace, then them NBC guys let Robby and his car owner – Richard Childress – tell them Jeff checked up when Wallace got sideways. Heck, he didn't get sideways until Jeff hit him.

Did the NBC guys call them on that bull? Heck no, you can’t go to dinner with your buddies if you ask’m tough questions, right?

Then, followin’ that crapola, we gotta watch Tony Stewart and some unknown announcer fer NBC huggin’ and kissin’ and talkin’ about their fiancés.

As teams head into the off-season, please oh please tell me NBC is gonna work on being reporters and broadcasters as opposed to bein’ best buddies of NASCAR and the people they pretend they cover with open minds.

And what the heck, while we's on the subject... Bill Weeber, you out there? Please son, rather than spendin' a week writin' some kind of poetry where you compare the strife of life to the pains of racin' for the 2,000th time, just once be genuine and say what you feel. You speak like 14 editors have rewritten every thought you ever had.

I reckon I oughta thank my lucky stars these Racin'One boys let me say what I think as opposed to all them out there that say and do whatever NASCAR, licensees and sponsors tell'm to.

If it's called Lowe's Motor Speedway, call it that then. If Childress' driver spins somebody to win, don't let'm tell you it's otherwise and just smile and nod. And fer cryin' out loud, at some point, have an original, spontaneous thought.

Now, on to this week’s topic…

This week, I took a look at the Racin’One Fans’ Choice thingy they been doin’, and figured I’d do my own… cept I figured I’d create some categories I don’t reckon nobody else would ever do.

Here’s what I come up with…

Worst Day – I’ll remember Feb. 18 as much as I’ll remember Sept. 11.
Best Day – Kevin Harvick edging Jeff Gordon at Atlant’r bout made me cry.

Most Style – Little E with the dyed hair, jell, goatee now and then and backwards ball cap.
Least Style – Jeff Green in that yellow suit looks like one of them marshmallow chicks you get at Easter.

Best Name – No name fits the man better than Fatback McSwain.
Worst Name – Imagine havin’ to introduce yourself as Patty Petty.

Pertiest at the track – Y’all seen Elliott Sadler’s new wife? Oh my.
Ugliest at the track – Any NASCAR official when asked a serious question.

Best Accent – Love Elliott Sadler’s southern-Virginia drawl.
Worst Accent – I’m told Ward Burton has a southern-Virginia draw, but I can’t understand enough of it to tell.

Best Interview – Ricky Rudd always tells it like it is.

Worst Interview – For the 15th straight season, Bill “every reporter’s nightmare” Elliott.

Best Paint Scheme – The AMOCO car was pretty cool… while it lasted.
Worst Paint Scheme – Casey Atwood and Bill Elliott didn’t really have no scheme at all, did they?

Best Signing – I’m guessin’ this Ryan Newman feller just might pan out fer Penske.
Worst Signing – Who does Hut Stricklin have pictures of that keep him gettin’ him rides?

Biggest Disappointment – Mark Martin didn’t even show up this season.
Least Disappointing – Jeff Gordon just cruises right along.

Most Cryin’ – If Tony Stewart don’t win, it’s everything’s fault except fer Tony Stewart's.
Least Cryin’ – Kenny Schrader is there day-in and day-out, yet you never hear a peep except “let’s get after it boys.”

Worst announcer – NBC fellers pretty much all tie with each other.

Best announcer – DW talked a lot about himself, but at least he was entertainin’.

Worst Graphic – Here’s what “loose” means, for the 2,499th time.
Best Graphic – That live qualifying thingy showin’ just how far ahead or behind the guy is to the top speed.

Easy Come –
Kevin Harvick gets one of the best rides in racing way before he deserves it.

Easy Go – Jason Leffler gets better and better, but it don’t matter.

Worst Wreck – Daytona, Talladega… take your pick every year.
Best Wreck – Tony Stewart returnin’ the favor to Jeff Gordon at Bristol.

Biggest Surprise – Michael Waltrip was in victory lane, and it weren’t to visit someone else.

Littlest Surprise – Dale Jr. comes back to Daytona and destroys the field. Hmmm.

I'll talk at y'all next week... I reckon.

Bubba

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Monster Energy NASCAR Cup, 2001

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