Character Flaws

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Howdy Y’all.

In betwixed football and racin’ this weekend, I caught me a glimpse of this here TV game show called “The Weakest Link.”

No, it weren’t about Buckshot Jones, it was about answerin’ a whole mess of questions and kickin’ out folks that couldn’t get’m right. Folks seemed so confused that it kinda reminded me of press askin’ NASCAR about safety issues.

Anywho, it got me to thinkin’ about creatin’ my own kinda game show, and here’s what I come up with.

The show is called “I likes’m, but…” The way it works is pretty dern self-explanationatoriable.

Here goes…

Cal Ripken Jr.
I likes’m, but…
is a current pro baseball player really the guy we oughta be namin’ races fer? With all the great stars in the history of racin’, wouldn’t the race at Dover this month be better if’n it were the Fireball Roberts 400 instead of the Cal Ripken 400? How about Lee Petty, Joe Weatherly or even Bill France Sr. 400 fer cryin’ out loud?

Next thing ya know we’ll be havin’ the Barry Bondo 400, the Sammy Sosa-thern 500, the Domino’s Piazza 400 and the PocoNomar 400.

Ah heck, why stop there. How about the Pop Secretariat 400, the Goody’s Body Payne Stewart 400 or the Roberto Duran-Lube 400?

Jimmy Spencer
I likes’m, but…
this big ol’ boy needs to take him a chill pill ever’now and then. It’s bad enough there ain’t a race goes by that he don’t nudge somebody else in the left rear and send’m slidin’, but this weekend he actually wrecked somebody else – Ricky Craven – while still in the garage area.

Kevin Harvick
I likes’m, but…
this young whippersnapper must realize just cuz he’s in the Goodwrench car don’t mean the other fellers out there is gonna let him wreck’m without retaliatin’ like they did the former driver for that team.

FOX/NBC/TBS
I likes’m, but…
knowin’ ESPN would kick tail in several areas – and thus workin’ into your contract that some ESPN shows can’t do interviews inside the track – makes ya look small. Drivers, owners and teams gettin’ money from your contract will luv ya forever, but those without bias are simply cheated from some good coverage.

Looney Tunes
I likes’m, but…
as a sponsor of the race Saturdee, y’all shoulda had cartoon characters on ever’body’s cars. In fact, y’all shoulda put characters on the cars that correspond with the team, team owner or the driver of that car.

Here’s a few I think woulda worked nicely together…

Tony Stewart – Jabberjaw (Talks a mean game and… well… that's it, talks a mean game)

Jeff Gordon - Mighty Mouse (Big things can come in small packages)

Mike Skinner - Wile E. Coyote (Who crashes more?)

A.J. Foyt - Porky Pig (Ain’t goin’ there)

Steve Park - Yogi Bear (He has a Boo Boo, too)

Robby Gordon - Road Runner (Why even try the ovals?)

Jack Roush - Elmer Fudd (Change the hat, add glasses… bingo)

Jason Leffler - Tweety (I tawt I taw a perty future)

Dale Earnhardt Jr. - Shaggy (Hey, could be worse. Could look like Velma)

Rainbow Warriors - Power Rangers (Kickin’ butt in girlie colors ain’t easy)

Jimmy Spencer - Scooby Doo (Just loves them snacks before and after a meal)

John Andretti - Dino (Somebody throw him a bone… please)

Terry Labonte - Casper (Talk about a disappearin' act)

Casey Atwood - Rugrats (Both are diaper dandies)

Todd Bodine - Mr. Clean (He’s a cartoon dude, ain’t he?)

Ward Burton - Taz (Can’t understand neither of’m)

Wally Dallenbach - The Invisible Man (There one minute, gone the next 30 or so)

Mark Martin - Droopy (Hey, y’all would be too if this was your season)

Jeremy Mayfield - Batman (Cept he must be stuck in the cave or somethin’)

Kenny Wallace - Hong Kong Phooey (OK, just the Phooey part)

Bobby Labonte - Joe G. and Pussycats (Everyone just expected a whole lot more)

Done run outta time, so… Th, th, th, that’s all folks.

I’ll talk at y’all next week, I reckon.
Bubba

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