Seriously Fun

Howdy Y'all

Well, today is certainly a big ol' day in the history of NASCAR. Today's the day we's all gonna find out - through a gajillion dollars of research over a six month period from some of the top experts in this grand ol' country of ours - that the cars folks complained about bein' too rigid a year ago are now... you guessed it... too rigid.

When ya hear all that NASCAR gobbledigoop today about G-forces and other things we kinda understand but really don't, just try to think of it this here way...

Think about a big ol' metal box (that represents the car). Think about an egg that you place inside that there box (that's the driver). If you take that box with the egg in it and throw it up against a wall, three things is gonna happen:
1. The metal box is gonna stay the same.
2. The egg is gonna have some serious damage.
3. Your wife is gonna holler, call ya names your ol' Army buddies never heard before, and make ya paint over the big ol' marks ya just made on her pretty yeller wall.

So, don't y'all get all caught up in phrases and words ya don't understand from this major press conference today... just be happy as a possum when a road gets closed that NASCAR is gonna finally make some changes that been obvious to just about ever'body for at least a year now.

Now... all this thinkin' about tragedy and how to stop'm from happenin' multiple times in a year, plum got me depressed here. So, I'm gonna take the next 15 minutes and try to amuse ya.

I seen that Dodge got its first win this season - two weekends after NASCAR give them a big ol' boost and fellers like Bill Elliott and Casey Atwood suddenly was startin' at the front of the field. Ever'thing I read had some kind of Dodge slogan, all basically sayin' - "Dodge... The Attack is Back" kinda stuff.

That got me to thinkin' about sponsors - some in the sport and some that oughta be - and what their slogans could or should be.

Here's some I come up with off the top of my big ol' bald head....

Dodge - We're Ram Tough (as long as NASCAR helps some)

Goodyear - Our Tires Really Bite

X-Lax - Better on Long Runs than Anyone

NBC - Not Quite Smart as a FOX

Kleenex - Blowing Past the Competition

Slim Jim - The Official Jerk of NASCAR

Wonderbra - Strapped in and Ready for Action

Hoover Vacuums - We Suck

Winston - Cancer, Shmancer. Let's Go Racin'

U.S. Vasectomy Council - A Cut, Below... the Rest

Conseco - Winning isn't Everything... Thank God

Sprint - Fast for Nearly 25 Laps

Roto Rooter - Life in the Fast Drain

Watermelon Growers Association - Pit Work is Crucial

Hair Club for Men - Todd Bodine is not only not the president, he's not a customer

Viagra - Rising to the Occasion

Budweiser - All You Need to Make Loudon Races Worth Watching

Maytag Dryers - More Spins than Jimmy Spencer

and finally...
NASCAR - Enjoy our Checkered Past and Future

I'll talk at y'all next week... I reckon

Related Topics:

Monster Energy NASCAR Cup, 2001

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