Bubba Is Back

Thanks to y’all fer all the “where’s Bubba?” letters ya sent in to the editors the past two weeks. Shore makes a feller feel wanted.

Here’s the deal. My bosses felt I was doin’ a pretty good job of making y’all laugh, cry and think - reckon that’s what a columnist is supposed to do – so they went and sent me on a two-week vacation… with everythin’ from the hotel room to the sun tan lotion all paid fer.

They said I could take three other folks, so of course, it ended up bein’ my wife and her parents. I ain’t gonna comment other than to say, “Shore was a nice gesture fellers, but please don’t bother next time.”

OK, now… since The Winston was on some dern channel I couldn’t get unless I drove 100 miles, I missed that stuff. Thank you NASCAR and FOX once again fer allowin’ me to miss somethin’ I ain’t missed in years. Real fan-friendly folks you are.

Anywho… I was able to catch this past weekend’s action on the tube, and here’s some stuff I seen or was thinkin’.

*After spendin’ two weeks defendin’ Tony Stewart and his right to fulfill his dream and race at Indy, the Mouthville Rocket goes and opens his yapper and spoils the whole dern thing.

Get this… Accordin’ to Tony, y’all are dern “idiots” if ya think racin’ for 500 miles, then jumpin’ in a plane and flyin’ for an hour, could have an affect on how well he drove for 600 miles immediately after.

OK, yeh, that makes sense. Afterall, point after point back Tony’s argument:
1. The longer ya work out, the stronger ya get. Right?
2. The more fatigued ya are, the better your judgment. Right?
3. Starting last in the field gives ya a better shot of winning than starting near the front. Right?
4. Havin’ special trainers and doctors on hand with ya the whole time is only fer moral support. Right?
5. Havin’ a butt cramp is a big advantage headin’ into a race. Right?

With strong facts like them backin’ ya Tony, how could anyone possibly question such a thing? Must be a bunch of “idiots” out there.

*Now, just because he keeps slidin’ his drivin’ shoe into his mouth don’t mean he didn’t do an incredible thing by gettin’ charity money raised fer every lap he run on Sunday. Hats off to him fer that.

*Another hats off – even if it do look like a little fanny kissin’ here – to my boss. Ya see, my editor drove one of them racin’ simulators on Winston weekend for 25 straight hours to raise money for Kyle Petty’s camp for terminally ill kids. Folks, that’s the equivalent of three Indy 500s and three Coca-Cola 600s back to back. (Heard he was really tired there at the end, but pretty sure he didn’t call anybody an “idiot” who thought he might be.)

*I caught me a little NBA action this past week - while my wife was a sunnin’ herself on the beach – and seen one player sittin’ out cuz his calf got a little tight, and another who missed an entire game cuz his back was sore. Good gosh, what a bunch of pansies. Dale Jarrett breaks a rib on Thursday, don’t even notice it until Saturday, and then rocks and rolls fer 600 miles on Sunday. Next time some goofball tells ya these guys ain’t athletes, do Bubba a favor and just laugh at’m. Don’t explain it, just laugh.

*I was pleased as dern punch to hear Kenny Wallace finally got him a sponsor… even if it is some company that makes mayonnaise. But then, Kenny has to go and spoil it by spreadin’ his mayonnaise name all over the dern track Sunday. He hit Gordon, he hit the wall, I wouldn’t be surprised if he didn’t hit an official durin’ inspection before the race.

*I noticed durin’ Lap 3 of the 600 that them FOX boys just kept on talkin’ because there was a caution happenin’. I don’t remember them sayin’: “We’ll honor Dale Earnhardt on Lap 3 with silence all year long… unless of course somethin’ excitin’ is happenin’ on the track.” Do you?

*Speakin’ of them FOX folks, y’all hear DW talk about how Gordon went up “with a veteran move” and put “his bumper right up next to Ryan Newman’s” which forced Newman to spin? Then, on the replay, we see Gordon 20 feet back when Newman gets loose. If ya don’t see it, don’t comment on it, OK? Is it too late to get Buddy Baker on board?

Lastly on them FOX boys. Please, Mr. Dick Berggeronion or whatever, STOP YELLIN’ AT US!!!! It might be loud in your world – or that cap ya got pulled down so far might be coverin’ your ears – but most of the rest of us hear just fine. I plum wore out my volume button on Sunday havin’ to adjust ever’time they switched it over to that guy.

OK, just fer kicks, one more FOX thingy. Leadin’ the show off with a “Hot Summer Nights” theme is kinda cute, but when exactly is the first day of summer? It’s still in late June, ain’t it? Maybe y’all know somethin’ I don’t (or vice versa).

*Two questions rocked my e-mail world this week, so I’ll answer’m here.
1. Who was ya pullin’ fer in the Indy 500? I was pullin’ fer Sarah Fisher, and dern near cried to see her slam her rear end into the wall. Ouch.
2. Should Gordon have been able to use his backup car in The Winston? Of course not. It don’t make no sense to anybody that ain’t wearin’ a Hendrick Motorsports or NASCAR logo on their shirt.

*I read this week that this Busch Series driver named Ashton Lewis had him a car named “Titus Plummeritis.” I don’t know what all that means, but after lookin’ at how he’s run this year, I’m thinkin’ “Mi Caris Suckus” might be a better fit.

*The quote of the week comes from Sterlin’ Marlin who basically got run into by Kurt Busch durin’ the Coke 600. Here goes:
“Kurt Busch took a dumb pill on that last restart I guess… He’s run over several people. I kind of went and told him. I don’t think he’ll run over us anymore.”

I’ll talk at y’all next week… I reckon.
Bubba

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