Missing The Action

Howdy Y’all

As much as I liked my trip to Bristol last week, it shore was nice to be home this here weekend to put my foots up on the Lazy Boy – that’s my ol’ huntin’ dog, not some fancified chair - and watch some racin’.

It ain’t as loud or excitin’ sittin’ at home as it is sittin’ in Row 62, but the parkin’ ain’t a hassle and I ain’t gotta wait in line to use the bathroom… Unless of course the wife is home and tryin’ to finish up her daily beautification project.

Anywho, here’s some stuff I seen…

*It’s now Tuesday, ya reckon FOX has sent ol’ Dick Berggeronion down to Dale Earnhardt Jr.’s pit box yet? For cryin’ out loud, wake up boys. Here’s the deal…
- Earnhardt Jr. is dominatin’ the race late and about to have one of the more emotional wins in the history of the sport (heck, I even woulda cried).
- Elliott Sadler hits the wall and a caution comes out, meanin’ Jr. leads the field into the pits one final time.
- Me and a million other folks is just prayin’ Junior gets outta them pits in front.
- Seven other cars beat him out the pits!
- The FOX announcers then tell us how disappointed they are and send us – not just once, but a coupla times – to Sadler’s pits to find out what’s goin’ on there.
- What happened in Jr.’s pit? Why four tires instead of two like them other fellers? What was his crew chief’s strategy? Is Jr. and his chief upset they didn’t go with two and hollerin’ such over the headset? What the heck are we doin’ in Sadler’s pit stall instead of Jr.’s? Is Berggeronion’s hat on so crooked he can’t see the red and white car he’s reportin’ on ain’t the one folks is wantin’ information on?
- Dern, it was only the most important thing that happened in the race.

*Here’s an idea’r, pull Jeff Hammond outta that derned box in the infield where he can’t see nothin’ but teleprompters, and get his cowboy hat-wearin’ self out there where the racers are. Ya never know, ya just might not miss the most important moment of the race next time.

*Actually kinda liked Hammond in that cowboy hat (just not in that silly booth he lives in). Y’all may not know, but he’s one heckuva cowboy – ropin’, ridin’ and poop scoopin’ with the best of’m – and I applaud FOX for actually lettin’ Hammond be himself for once.

*Havin’ said that… Larry McReynolds and ol’ DW wearin’ ties? Good gosh. As my cousin Leroy always said, “You can dress up a hog in a suit, but they still ain’t gonna let him in church.”
Now, that never did make a whole lot of sense to me… but a hog in a suit and those two boys wearin’ button-down shirts and ties makes about the same amount of sense, don’t it?

*Ya know that Steve Hmiel feller they interview all the time in the garage area? Don’t ya reckon – as long as he’s been around – he’d have made enough money by now to be able to buy a vowel?

*Got me a chance to watch qualifyin’ this week, and about near split a gut – to y’all Yankees, that means I laughed a lot – watchin’ John Andretti make his way around that Texas track. First, he loses it in the turn, and hollers at NASCAR that it was cuz there was oil on the track. NASCAR, in all its wisdom, let’s ol’ John get back out there for another run. After they “cleaned up the track,” ol’ Johnny hit the track again… and this time slid up and smacked the wall. Probably oil again, right?

*Just once, wouldn’t ya like to hear a driver say… “Ya know what, I can’t drive worth a lick and that’s why I don’t ever win no races and my cars end up more dented then one parked under a walnut tree on a windy day."

*Somebody – especially since there are numerous options available – please tell NASCAR that 01 ain’t a number anymore than 1A is a number, or B7 is a number. Those is things you holler out while playin’ that Battleship game, not nothin’ to do with racin’.

*Speakin’ of numbers, the excuse that there ain’t enough numbers to go around if you start retirin’ numbers – such as the No. 3 - is just plain lame. If you can have an 01, why can’t ya have a 1A? Good gosh, retire the numbers of anyone with three or more championships… how many hundreds of years more will it take before ya have to use a single three-digit deal?

*All this talk about Texas gettin’ a second date makes ya realize how political this sport has become. Only the Daytona 500 gets better ratin’s, they always pack the joint, it’s always a great race… but the Texas track ain’t owned by ISC/NASCAR. They ain’t worried about what races we fans enjoy watchin’ or are goin’ to, they’re worried about makin’ money. It’s as simple as this: If Bruton Smith is makin’ the money, they ain’t. Heck with what we want.

*Who determines all these fines that’s gettin’ handed out? Some rulebook that nobody is allowed to see? I get a big ol’ knot in my stomach each time I hear these made-up rules… goes somethin’ like this… Section 1-A of Chapter 3 of the NASCAR rulebook says – “… anything detrimental to the sport – despite it not being detrimental yesterday or perhaps even an hour from now – is somethin’ we can fine ya for… especially if ya ain’t done no commercials fer us lately and aren’t a part of the Coca-Cola Racin’ Family…”

*On that fine topic… somebody tell me the logic in this. Tony Stewart bumps Jeff Gordon while goin’ about 35 mph at the entrance of pit road (no damage to either car it was so violent), and gets fined and put on probation mostly cuz it was “dangerous.” Gordon hits Stewart in a turn and sends him spinnin’ into what could have easily been a head-on collision with a concrete wall at well over 100 mph… and that ain’t “dangerous” enough for a fine.

*Anybody else notice that Michael Waltrip is back to bein’ the Michael Waltrip we all came to know and love? Don’t worry, he’ll run back up front again soon… everybody gets to at those restrictor-plate jokes.

*Why are those in-car cameras so messed up this year? If I wanted to see snow on my TV, I’d take them rabbit ears down.

*FOX TRAX? Y’all, I can’t spell, but I’m pretty sure it’s TRACKS. Or is TRAX clever and funny? Uh huh.

*Why, when a feller’s engine breaks, does the interview go like this: “The guys back in the shop worked really hard, I’d like to thank them fellers.” Ain’t it a slap in the face to thank the guys who built the car that ruins your teams chance to win?

Lastly, hats off to Johnny Benson, Kurt Busch and Dave Blaney. Blaney and Busch had tremendous runs at Texas, and Benson – atta boy Johnny – didn’t make that last pit stop in an effort to WIN a race. We saw so much points racin’ last year – fellers happy just to finish fifth - that it’s refreshin’ to see someone do whatever he can to WIN. If we could only change the points system now so that wins actually counted a good deal more than finishin' fifth, we might have a whole bunch of fellers doing what Benson did. Imagine that race with four or five guys stayin' out there for a final run.

I’ll talk at y’all next week… I reckon.
Bubba

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