Doin The Bump
May 19, 2002 | 12:00 A.M. EST
1. Those team shenanigans in Formula One. How can you order a driver that has led the race from the first lap to pull over at the checkered flag? The move last week in Austria caused me to vow to never buy another Ferrari.
2. Rain delays. If someone ever domes a track, I say let’s run every race on every circuit at the indoor facilities. Of course, even with a roof over the race track, fans would still have to get towed out of the muddy fields most of them park in.
3. Early season silly season. If it were up to me, I’d put a freeze on any driver and crew chief movement until Memorial Day. Of course, rumors could race through the series at any time. We like silly season rumors every day of the year.
4. Plain white cars. Teams without a sponsor should race with the logos of a charity, sort of a public service announcement. If the team can’t be well funded, at least the charity might be.
5. High costs. In my perfect world, every promising young driver would be able to field their own team with out going broke.
6. Adults that get driver’s autographs so that can sell them. Instead, every child should be able to get as many autographs as they want.
7. Long lines at track bathrooms. The traffic jams don’t bother me, unless of course, my bladder is about to burst.
8. Drunk fans that curse with children in seats close by. They should have to go wait in a long line at some bathroom far away.
9. Drivers that don’t answer a broadcasters question in a television interview. Instead, they bring forth a litany of praise for their sponsors.
10. Mediocre teams that run a special paint scheme for no apparent reason. Don’t switch the minor and major colors on the car just to do something different. At least find something new to promote.
11. Drivers just making laps. I know that there’s only one way to gain experience, but if a team doesn’t have a chance of staying on the lead lap, it shouldn’t be allowed to field a car.
12. Oil downs at the drag races. Thanks to some changes in NHRA rules over the past couple of years, the number of oil delays has been shrinking.
13. Broadcasts that fall in love with a point they just made. I usually get it the first time. They don’t have to keep on harping on what a bright idea they have.
14. Promotions where fans are paired with a driver and the promotional prize depends on how well the driver does. Sure, it is fun to see one of us become a millionaire, but these contests seem shallow.
15. Rumors about The Winston leaving Charlotte. Change the format all you want – especially if it produces a win by a rookie – but keep the all-star race where it belongs. Come up with another non-points event for someplace else if want, but keep the original in Charlotte.
16. Drivers drinking their sponsor’s product in the winner’s circle. Two exceptions: a beer in celebration is appropriate while I love it when the winner whips out a competitor’s product when the title sponsor is a beverage. Jeff Gordon drinking a Pepsi after winning the Coca-Cola 600 would be the best example.
17. People I’ve never heard of getting to be the Grand Marshall or the Honorary Starter of a race.
18. Teams whining about how the rules benefit the teams with the other make of car. Don’t complain to me, go talk to the sanctioning body.
19. Tricked up versions of the national anthem. Just sing is simply and beautifully, and let’s get the race started.
20. Those silly lists that journalists do.